It amazes me how often my clients’ significant others feel threatened when the clients revive childhood passions or take up new hobbies.
I encourage people to bring their spooked spouses to a session so we can discuss their fears.
Trying to get all this input from one person is like trying to get a full range of vitamins by eating only ice cream.
When a couple believes “We must fulfill all of each other’s needs,” each becomes exhausted by the effort to be all things to the other and neither can develop fully as an individual.
The king eats a few tasteless mouthfuls, then bursts into tears.
“All along,” he cries, “it was my youngest daughter who really loved me!
Mutually supporting each other’s personal growth does. Even more telling are sentences like “I’ve got to make him see that he’s wrong” or “I’ll hide what I really think because it would make him angry.” You are not the victim but the crafty spider, withholding and using manipulation to control your mate’s feelings and actions.
Someone who sat around waiting for you to make life bearable, who threatened to commit suicide if you ever broke up?
Or have you found yourself on the grasping side of the equation, needing your partner the way you need oxygen?
The reason is that everything—and everyone—is constantly changing.
We age, grow, learn, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight, find new interests, and drop old ones.
Like running water, changing love finds its way past obstacles. I’m a big fan of sexual monogamy, but I’m puzzled by lovers who claim that their romantic partner is the only person they need in their lives or that time together is the only activity necessary for emotional fulfillment.